Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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