There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
