I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
