He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
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You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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