i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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