if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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