Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
