morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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