If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
