I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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