she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
