shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
