i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
