he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
