Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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