He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
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I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize