You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
