nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize