and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
