Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize