Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
