he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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