Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
