A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
