Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
