How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
