she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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