Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
