Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
