So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
