i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
there is puke in my bra ... again
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
