I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize