I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
