Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
