I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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