ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
