Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
