ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
