is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
