I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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