I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
