I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She told me I should be a condom model.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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