i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
