Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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