i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
