I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
