There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
