now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
