Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wear drunk well.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
