i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
