I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
false alarm, still single
Randomize
