we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
