He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
