I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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