I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
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I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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