how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
