You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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