how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
