Umm I'm too high to move.
I hate all girls vehemently.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
