he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
