Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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