You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
