i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
