he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
