I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
