just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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