Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
