How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
