I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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