cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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