Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
