Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
