Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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