You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
