thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
