He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
